“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31
My wife and I were in no big hurry during our post-church drive to Costco. The one time of the week when we were not beholden to a tight timeline meant that Sunday afternoon was an ideal choice for grocery shopping. At an intersection near our house a car beside us suddenly discovered a need to be in our lane…in front of me. No sir. Not on my watch. I accelerated and closed the gap in front of our car keeping this line-butting jerk in his lane. In doing so I drove quite close to the car in front of us. In fact, I got close enough for my wife to gasp and speak a sharp “Daniel!!”. “You almost hit that car” she exclaimed. Feeling the need to justify my behavior I explained that I only almost rear-ended this person because the car beside us was trying to cut in front of us. She was less than understanding, and in hindsight, I can’t blame her.
Reflecting back on the event I can see how much my actions were directed by the anger I felt towards the would-be merging car. The fact that he was trying to cut in front of me after I had waited in the turn lane was more than frustrating, and I did not have the ability to just let it go. I’m sure all drivers have experienced this type of mild road rage, but I have decided to take a more in-depth look at the events of anger in my life. This decision may come as a surprise to some who know me. Once while discussing anger with a group, one friend said “Daniel, I can’t imagine you angry”. I wish this meant that I never experience anger, but in reality I have become good at hiding it. I have noticed anger at co-workers, incompetent drivers, people with different political opinions, even my wife. I know that I am not alone in these experiences. Western culture, especially men, are increasingly angry towards others, and I don’t think it's totally our fault.
Western cultures have glorified anger in the media. Think of the climactic courtroom scene in “A Few Good Men” or maybe the popular American cooking shows with a blond-haired British man screaming. In fact, recall pretty much any TV show or movie and tell me there isn’t a scene with two people literally yelling at each other in anger. The scenario is frighteningly frequent, pervasive. The emotion is so often modeled. Surely it makes sense why we would imitate it in our real lives. But this is just the tip of the iceberg. What lies beneath the surface is a mountain of intentional provocation to anger carried out by individuals and groups that have found a way to profit off it, or use anger to get what they want. In their 2012 study “What Makes Online Content Viral?” Jonah Berger and Katherine L. Milkman looked at the virality of New York Times articles to understand what makes some content more clickable or successful online. What they found should come as no surprise. Content that evokes high intensity emotional response is more viral. The term viral, by the way, is no accident. Ideas, stories, and opinions are the digital equivalent to viruses in our bodies. Sharing ideas and stories with others gives them the thought virus, if you will. Because humans are not perfect replicating machines (in viruses or ideas) the thoughts change the more they are shared. Some new variants are less shareable, but other are even more contagious. Of course the more it changes, the less a thought resembles its original version, which is why headlines that grab attention are often much less enraging when the entire article is read.
As a result of this process, a digital survival of the fittest, we are almost guaranteed to see the most enraging headlines and stories from friends and the internet. News companies have an incentive to write titles that grab your attention, and what better way to grab your attention than by making you furious. Why anger and anxiety and not joy or awe? I think we see inflammatory content because it is easier to write and it is easier to feel. It is easier to make a stranger angry with you than it is to make them feel joy or awe. The end result is a population that is constantly angry about everything. Even things that seem innocuous have been slashed in half for the purpose of argument, and any unity is temporary. How quickly did the pandemic go from “we are all in this together” to an inescapable hatred filled debate. Our politicians have discovered the utility of anger as well. Record voter turnout in the 2020 election was more the result of anger towards one candidate or another than it was the result of true policy support.
Noticing my own anger increasing, I have set out to protect myself from the virus of anger. Like with real viruses, the only way to ensure complete protection is to isolate yourself in a bubble, but there are less drastic steps I can take to protect myself from anger. First, is to avoid places where anger grows and spreads most easily. Social media platforms are the daycares of our hatred virus. A literal breeding ground kept at the perfect temperature and humidity for limitless viral propagation, these once joyful platforms of connection have at times become a cesspool of vitriol towards our neighbors. The simplest strategy is to remove ourselves from them completely. If that is not possible, limit time there. Remove the connections that seem to spread the virus most often. My approach has been to avoid social media completely, and I have found enormous benefits.
“Knowledge is power” we were once told. I believe that is true. Knowledge can be the solution to anger, but when it comes to popular and new ideas, the source of knowledge and information can become the inflection point as well. News sites and channels, when visited too often, or when mindlessly encountered, will create anger. Like a doctor’s office full of sick patients, I only go when I need to. Obviously, this strategy can be taken too far. Completely isolating myself from the news may be good for removing anger, but a base-level understanding of global events is probably more useful than harm.
Finally, like all viruses, I have been training myself to recognize the symptoms. Once I see the virus in others or online, I steer clear when I can. I also try to inoculate myself with the antidote to anger, that is joy. I have been seeking places, people, and information that moves me from anger to joy. When I sense the emotion in myself or others, if I have the capacity, I introduce the vaccine, and I ask those around me to do the same. We can not eliminate anger from the world, but we can protect ourselves from it. We can live more fully and brightly if we take the time and effort to extract evil and introduce good.
“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” John 16:22
Berger J, Milkman KL. What Makes Online Content Viral? Journal of Marketing Research. 2012;49(2):192-205. doi:10.1509/jmr.10.0353
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